Well, we didn't lose the house. We told them we couldn't keep things afloat and they said that didn't matter. They would still come after us for the money no matter what we did. So, kevin chipped in for a couple months for me but because of the lack of internet I had to give up school. After that things only got better. Not. I was trying to find work and no bites. Finally it looked like things were going to start getting better when I got a job at teleperformance. Things were going great. Then the second week in I failed the second training test.They said i could apply for another project but couldn't stay on the current one. I applied for that but didn't make it through the second interview. They had no openings so they said goodbye. I wasn't down long. I went and applied everywhere I could. I got 2 part time jobs with michael's arts and crafts and gamestop. I got in at michaels right away and am still there. Gamestop took their time and kept putting me off. Finally my brother let me in on a job with someone he knew hanging christmas lights for 12-15 an hour. I Got on there for 4 days he was glad to have me then called me yesterday and said he over staffed and had to let me go. Luckily I hadn't quit michaels yet. but i'm still not getting enough hours to support myself. Gamestop I told to screw off because they didn't seem to want my help yet hired me anyway.

My problems haven't ended there. As you know becky has been seeing someone else and had been while we were still together. Every now and then I would call to hear dante's voice. I have seen him all of 3 times since they moved out in may. Every time I call She can only mention how things with her new love is going. after she left, I began hangin out with a friend of mine that i've known for a long time and we started seeing eachother. Things should have been great, except that I started falling for her and she didn't want a relationship. We of course slept together a couple times. Well 2 weeks ago she informed me she was pregnant. We had been using protection and she was on birth meds. I as I am, was ready to be a father again. I started seeing it as a chance to be a dad as i was not able to be with dante due to our circumstances. She came back to me and informed me she was going to abort the baby as it was the best thing for her. And that she needed to do what was right for her. Because she thought she would be too screwed up as the childs mom. I tried to tell her that I would be there and that I would raise the child. She didn't take what i said in at all. After 2-3 days of binge drinking and smoking I was ready to kill myself. Then I had called becky just before this information to see if I could borrow 20 dollars to correct my negative bank balance due to a mishap. she informs me she's coming for her remaining furniture for her new place with her boyfriend. Not that big of a deal but not what i needed to hear at the time. That monday rolls around and they come for our washer and dryer our recliner and our coffee table. But they took more. They took everything from dantes room save some toys. I broke down. Not only would i not have a way to take my son for a while they were literally taking any chance I had to be his father again. On top of that my son didn't even recognize me. He wouldn't hug me he wouldn't talk to me. Becky's grandpa came outside where I had retreated to try and collect myself and handed money to me. While I appreciate the gesture money isn't changing the fact that my family has been taken from me as well as my life. Back to where I felt like death was the only option. A few days after that I realized That I had to fix things with my friend. Her parents said if she aborted she was out of the house. I told her that I loved her and would be there for her no matter what happened. she was greatful and said she loved me as well. A day or so later, she called and informed me that the abortion wasn't necessary as she had already miscarried due to the birth meds. While it was better than killing the baby it still died. Recently I tried talking to her again and she said she was thinking of moving out of state to get a fresh start. meaning that what we had and what i felt meant nothing.

I've lost communication with all my friends and have started thinking about death alot. I seriously can't find the bright side to anything anymore. I can't find a reason I should keep living. There's nothing left for me. I can't keep living day to day this way. The holidays haven't helped. Thanksgiving coming up and i can't be thankful for anything because I have nothing worth being thankful for. Sorry for the downer. I'm a little drunk right now and I had to get all this out. if you read all this then I appreciate the attention. Sorry for the waste of time.